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by | Sep 16, 2022 | Creative Writing, Detention Center Writing Contests, non-fiction, Non-fiction

by Gabriella Hernandez-Benitez

Nonfiction, Arlington County Detention Facility/Heard/OAR writing contest, August 2022

 

Hot summer nights I remember how I use to like spendin em super high and chill not worrying about a damn thing it was always amazing until I came down..thats when I wanted you more and more at first I’d be at war with myself when I didn’t have you at one point I started to fall deeper and deeper in love with you. Not caring about who I was I losin on the way as long as I got my way. It was amazing ride of nod and going up up up no one told me how it was going to be when I didn’t have you oh boy it was like a living a livin hell but that didn’t stop me from doing it over and over

 

I have to admit I love gettin high always have since I was 15 years old Xanax and addys were my thing back then and weed of course but fuck what they say weed is a gateaway drug then I got introduced to Perc 30’s M box and Molly I was never going back from there I loved it loved the feeling it gave me. It was like a person to me even though it was nowhere near contact with a human being I know I probably sound crazy but you wouldn’t know till you try it..but everyone has there different reasons to use and abuse drugs mine were to escape reality and forget all the pain you caused and the pain that still lingers inside … me just eatin at me until I eventually heal and get over it but who knows when that’ll be I hope sooner than later..he will forever be my angel the baby boy I lost when I lost myself with “him” but you’ll never be forgotten always in my mind and heart. <3

 

I damn near lost my mind..when I lost you just wanted to end it all I didn’t care I kept usin until I was completely numb I gave no fucks when I say no fucks I mean no fucks at all I brushed everyone off I just wanted to be alone P+1 I was going thru to much pain to be around even “him” he still stuck around thru it forever grateful for that but then the claws of addiction suddenly touched me and then touched you..you knew how lost that shit got me or even know why you would try it but you did smh. Then you lost yourself I was so mad when I was home and found that out Im honestly tryna do better some of you probably think Id stop there but no I overdosed a total of 4 times some of them were on purpose I was so tired so fucking tired..not gonna hold you but you’d only understand if I told you exactly why but I can’t I can but I’d like to move on from that.

 

Some of you probably think “Oh she would never” When you be around me and look at me I’m suicidal it comes and goes with bipolar disorder I wanna free my mind cause my mind runs on and on endless thoughts never stoppin unless Im high or stable on meds I wish I could feel happy all the time..but that emotion never lasts sadly when I look back at all the time its been 3 years since I been on the drugs I mentioned it’s been a fucking roller coaster up down up down lost baby so lost I really lost myself now im tryna recover with him or by myself don’t really matter it all starts with me wantin it Im over it all I hope one day I can be strong enough to look at myself and tell myself I don’t need none of this shit I can better than these drugs that once took over it all fromme and hopefully I can stay clean 3 months clean now. but even sometimes I share the room with grim reaper it should be enough to scare away any thoughts of relapse I wish it were that easy but not even conversing days with death can disintegrate the claws of addiction and oh boy how I wish you knew how bad they claw at me..Im just left all alone in the dark bleeding all by myself like a non-stop nightmare but one day I swear I’ll see the light I’ve always been searching for I just really need to free my mind…Sincerely, Gabriela Hernandez benitez

Who Deserves Your Time?

by | Sep 2, 2022 | Poetry

When your prompt is “write a poem to someone who doesn’t deserve your time” hang on! Residents from our nonprofit partner Friends of Guest House don’t hold back at all as they tell a former john, their addiction, their mother, and others who have done them unspeakable wrong exactly what they think. And in our last video, our poet talks about the mask she wears to protect herself. None of these videos are over a minute long. Take a listen.

Congratulations to these brave women for baring their souls.

Thank you to our Heard spoken word teacher C. Alexandria-Bernard Thomas for bringing and wringing the unvarnished and unedited truth from our Heard clients.

7 Years

by | Jun 8, 2022 | Creative Writing, Non-fiction

By Shogua Waziri

Friends of Guest House, June 8, 2022

It all started the moment I turned 18. Well not that exact moment but you get the gist of things. I grew up with amazing parents who never skipped a beat. They were active in me and my brother’s life’s, making us a family that was close.

I redid the whole dynamic of my family the day I started using. I took 18 years of the same routine and natural life and turned it upside down and inside out. I stole somebody’s daughter, and someone’s sister the moment I started IV’ing my arms, I stole her and didn’t give her back to her family for the next 7 years.

For the next 7 years that family was going to loose their precious little daughter and their older sister to the disease of addiction. She was going to be alive but at the same time her presence would thin out in their life’s, her life wasn’t about anyone but herself and her disease for the next 7 years.

Her brothers didn’t have anything to do with her, they gave up, I mean how many times will you believe someone who comes home once in a blue moon and breaks down crying to you that they will never do what they have done, only to walk out the front door that very night again?

My disease not only robbed them out of their daughter but it robbed me from me. I was replaced with this human being that I thought I would never be, I was foreign to the body and mind I was living in.

I had nothing to show for the past 7 years of my life besides a lengthy record which marched me right out of several jobs.

I had nothing to show for the past 7 years besides some track marks and tattoos.

I had nothing and yet the drugs I was partaking in made me feel like I had everything. The drugs made me think I was whole and happy when I had them, but oh were the drugs taunting and screaming at me when I didn’t have them yearning for my arms or my nose or lips to take them in, so they could make a home inside of me.

The drugs had taken me out of my home so they could make their home inside of me.

Patron

by | Oct 5, 2021 | Detention Center Writing Contests, fiction, Poetry

Marc Williams 

Poetry, Heard/Alexandria Detention Center writing contest, August 2021

 

Started off social wasn’t really drinking like

Turned into a habit

Now I gotta have it

You saw you was my weakness

But you ain’t take advantage

I’ll slow sip your love and let it work its magic

I left my first addiction and ran to you

And for a minute I was juggling between the two

But your intoxacation was so strong

I felt like with you

I could do

No wrong

At my weakest point you made me feel so strong

But now you are so gone

And I’m on my own

All in my zone truly yours

My precious patron

Now let me get inside it was just me and you

I’ll drink you all night I’ll be sweatin’ when I’m through

See that’s just what you do

Put me on another level

You cater to a man make a nigga feel special

That’s why I never left you and I never would

I had a lot of problems and you always understood

And when I went to jail you waited till I got out

I took you straight to the crib and drunk you all

Through the house

Out now hmmm…

You are so gone

And I am on my own

Truly yours my precious patron

Now time rolled forward you got a lil older

I started to notice you got a lil colder

I would shrug it off like maybe I’m just tripping

Give you a lil minute then I’m right back to sipping

I was Ray Charles boo I couldn’t see the ending

You found another sipper but he don’t drink you same

He mix up with cranberry he a real lame

You say he different and I don’t wanna change

I guess all the drinking just clouded up my brain

Cuz now you are so gone

And I am on my own

Truly yours my precious patron

And sometimes I still reference you in my discussions

You left my mind stuck like a million concussions

And sometimes I hate you just for being

Wishing you was gone and I could continue breathing

Then I get to thinking like am I still in love with

You and wonder if that’s the meaning

But hey my thoughts twisted and I guess I’m still

A dreamer yes I’m still a believer

Pray for peace but keep a nina

Keep it shaking like a seizure

Tried hard to please ya

And my feelings still strong

But now I know you never know what you got till

It’s gone

I Cry

by | Sep 22, 2021 | Detention Center Writing Contests, fiction, Poetry

By Anthony Talbert 

First place, poetry, Heard/Alexandria Detention Center writing contest, August 2021

 

Some cry when things seem to whirl wind out of control

Or cry when they want to be held,

But there’s no one to hold.

Growing up I was told that the eyes are the windows to

The soul.

So I cry to cleanse my soul of all the torment it

holds.

I cry for that man doing time because another man told.

I cry for that bronze complexioned sister who doesn’t

Realize that her body is gold.

..I cry..

I cry for the victims of nine-eleven.

And I cry for those Bishops, Priests, and Reverends who just can’t

To keep their hands off of those little boys who are

Nine, ten and eleven.

I cry for the homeless who endure winter nights.

And I cry for those who refuse to walk with their heads

Held high because they are afraid of heights.

I cry for those who are looked over because of a felony

conviction.

Or those of you battling addiction,

Or that abused child who is scarred with afflictions.

I cry for that bastard handing out a million years all because

He’s in a position

To judge.

But one day he too will be judged.

I even cry for that gay population who is judged.

And I cry for Jesus because,

Not only did he cry, but

He died because he was judged.

I cry for you because I was once you.

A man who is too cool to cry for me too.